I am sharing a series of seven thoughts from the Making Caring Common (MCC) report, “Turning the Tide II” that addresses character in college admissions. This is specifically for parents. If you have any questions for Glenn Manning, Senior Project Manager for MCC, let me know and I’ll ask!

As a recap here are the first four points:

[1] Keep the focus on your teen.

“In an effort to give their kids everything, these parents often end up robbing them of what counts.”

[2] Follow your ethical GPS.

“The college admissions process often tests both parents’ and teens’ ethical character.”

​[3] Use the admissions process as an opportunity for ethical education.

Students may “struggle with how much they can embellish their applications and ‘play the game’ without compromising their own authenticity and integrity.”

[4] Be authentic.

“Many parents fail to have authentic, honest conversations with their teens during the college admissions process and send conflicting messages.”

[5] Encourage your teen to contribute to others in meaningful ways.

Serve. Volunteer. Donate. Charity. Handout. Gift. Offering. Community Service.

There are many ways to contribute and guide our teenagers to impact others.

Remind them that they were “created in Christ Jesus to do good works” (Ephesians 2:10).

The authors write that “what makes service valuable is not whether it involves a trip to a new country or launching a new project. It's also not what matters to admissions deans.”

Does your student’s contribution bring value to others? No, this not the same as the number five value meal at your favorite drive-thru.
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“What makes service meaningful and what matters to the deans is whether service is chosen based on authentic interest and is immersive, meaningful, and sustained.”

Paul exhorted the Christians in Ephesus to “serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people” (Ephesians 6:7).

Community service is not just for college admissions.

"You should do good to everyone. Be rich in good deeds" (1 Timothy 6:18).

Students who can identify their unique purpose can participate in ways that align with their selected career path. Having internships, volunteer work, and even part-time work that supports their intended major makes it easier for college admissions officials to accept those students.

Allowing them to feed the homeless, clean a hiking trail, play dominos with the elderly, read to children, or something else in your community while in middle school, gives them the opportunity to find one or two ways to continue this throughout high school.

Exotic experiences, mission trip vacations, or one-time service projects do not build character. They build images for social media posts.  

Do not try to one up another student’s project so your admission essay has extra flair. Use your spiritual gifts and special skills to serve others. Peter wrote, “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms” (1 Peter 4:10).

Consider the Michigan junior who organized monthly birthday parties for foster youth. As the leader, he connected with people to provide presents, cake or cupcakes, and the location. He was adding value to the lives of these students. He used his giftedness and skills. He developed a consistent, quality program.

The MCC team offers four conversations parents can have with their teenager:

1. Talk about your family’s moral anchor. Talk to your teen about why your family believes contributions to others are important, whether your views are rooted in religious beliefs, a commitment to equity and justice, or a family ethic that prioritizes our inherent responsibility to help those who are struggling.
2. Find out what’s meaningful to your teen. Take time to explore with your teen what kind of service or contribution to others is meaningful to them. Prompt your teen to think about many types of service and many ways of contributing to others.
3. Emphasize the value of “doing with” rather than “doing for.” Too often, service can be unintentionally patronizing to recipients and does not develop in students a rich understanding of other perspectives or other cultures. You might explore with your teen opportunities for them to work in well-facilitated groups with other teens—either online or in person—from diverse backgrounds on common problems, such as bullying or harassment at school, an environmental problem, or an unsafe park.
4. Help your teen reflect on their experiences with service. Talk to your teen about their experiences when engaging in these activities. What are they learning? Are they finding their work gratifying? Do they feel helpful? What kinds of challenges are they facing? Brainstorm with your teen ways they might overcome obstacles.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

What are some meaningful ways your teenager is contributing to your community?

I am sharing a series of seven thoughts from the Making Caring Common (MCC) report, “Turning the Tide II” that addresses character in college admissions. This is specifically for parents. If you have any questions for Glenn Manning, Senior Project Manager for MCC, let me know and I’ll ask!

[1] Keep the focus on your teen.

“In an effort to give their kids everything, these parents often end up robbing them of what counts.”

[2] Follow your ethical GPS.

“The college admissions process often tests both parents’ and teens’ ethical character.”

[3] Use the admissions process as an opportunity for ethical education.

Students may “struggle with how much they can embellish their applications and ‘play the game’ without compromising their own authenticity and integrity.”

[4] Be authentic.

When you are craving chicken tinga enchiladas with sour cream sauce in Texas, you have to decide between Tex-Mex and authentic Mexican food. There are a handful of differences.

Tex-Mex uses sweet corn, authentic Mexican uses whole cobs.

Tex-Mex uses yellow cheese, authentic Mexican uses white cheese.

Tex-Mex uses cumin in spicy dishes, authentic Mexican uses epazote and coriander, among others.

Being authentic means you are being genuine. There is no doubt about the accuracy of your claims.

The Bible teaches us to "be honest and speak the truth" (Proverbs 22:21).

Even as students are applying to colleges without having to submit test scores, a few are adding ingredients to their applications that are not authentic. It is also called exaggeration.

We must remember that “whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out” (Proverbs 10:9).

It is challenging for students to be real and authentic in a social media world.

It is up to us as parents to have “authentic, honest conversations with [our] teens during the college admissions process.”

However, we send mixed messages when we want them to be happy or attend the best college they can when we’ve already made a decision based on our budget.

The Making Caring Common authors share that parents should try to “understand the many school and community factors that may be influencing their teen’s college considerations so that they can talk to their teens in ways that acknowledge these realities.”

These are tough conversations.

Here are two tips. [1] During your family walk tonight or around dessert, ask your teen if you are sending mixed messages. Then find out what they are feeling about the messages at school and from colleges.

[2] Discuss your feelings. College planning is EMOTIONAL! Don’t let yours get in the way of theirs. Since they have to own the decision, they need to be confident.

Simon Sinek said, “Authenticity is when you say and do the things you actually believe.”

Together, let’s work on our authenticity.  

I am sharing a series of seven thoughts from the Making Caring Common report, “Turning the Tide II” that addresses character in college admissions. This is specifically for parents.

As a recap, here are the first two lessons:

[1] Keep the focus on your teen.

“In an effort to give their kids everything, these parents often end up robbing them of what counts.”

[2] Follow your ethical GPS.

“The college admissions process often tests both parents’ and teens’ ethical character.”

[3] Use the admissions process as an opportunity for ethical education.

The college admissions process is the same for everyone.

The college admissions process is different for everyone.

Unfortunately, both statements are true. When applying for college, students are made aware that “there are vast differences in access to resources in the admissions process, and that college is unaffordable for staggering numbers of families.”

The Turning the Tide II authors point out that this where students may “struggle with how much they can embellish their applications and ‘play the game’ without compromising their own authenticity and integrity.”

One of the challenges students face is standardized testing. As FairTest.org summarizes in a report, “young people of color, particularly those from low-income families have suffered the most.”

Students from low-income families have lower scores because they lack the support and/or resources to prepare for the tests.

Boys are affected more than girls.

Students of color score lower on the admissions tests. This prevents them from being considered for merit aid scholarships (which rely on test scores more than GPA).

This has not always been the case. “Standardized” tests were created to make the college admissions process fair for all students.

Enter the coronavirus.

Since the testing sites are not able to host students or are booked because of local social distancing regulations, most colleges (public and private) decided to be test-optional for 1-3 years.

Advantage: everyone!

And many of those same schools are test-optional for merit aid scholarships as well. This means the high school GPA has more weight on admissions and scholarship decisions.

We are hoping this testing reprieve will challenge higher education to create a better, equitable college admissions process.

Parents, we have an awesome opportunity to help our teenager(s) navigate the ethics of education.

The Making Caring Common team recommends that we "beware of mixed messages" and "work through [our] irrational feelings."

Our teenagers need to be kind, be fair, be true to themselves, remain above reproach, and be prepared to support all claims made on their essays, tests, extracurriculars, and college applications.

What are we doing to help them develop character that lasts?

I’m sharing a series of seven thoughts from the Making Caring Common report, “Turning the Tide II” that addresses character in college admissions. This is specifically for parents.

​[1] Keep the focus on your teen.

“In an effort to give their kids everything, these parents often end up robbing them of what counts.”

[2] Follow your ethical GPS.

My father-in-law, a career navigator with the Air Force, learned how to navigate his plane using the stars. The stars!

When earning the orienteering merit badge in the Boy Scouts, I learned how to read a map using a compass.

Today, we ask our smartphone to pull up a map app. And if we have enough battery power and activate the location feature, our phone uses GPS satellites, Wi-Fi, and mobile networks to estimate our location.

Without using the stars, a compass, or GPS, how are you navigating your teenager(s) through the college admissions process? You shouldn't have to estimate where your ethics are located. Unfortunately, choosing a college can lead parents and teenagers to ignore their moral compass.

Sometimes, that is what pressure produces.

“The college admissions process often tests both parents’ and teens’ ethical character.”

That statement was written before the 2019 Varsity Blues Scandal – where high profile personalities had been falsifying applications and paying to get in “back door” of certain colleges. They drifted from true north. (Read more about Desperate College Admissions here.)

The participants tarnished their name. We understand that “a good name is to be more desired than great riches, favor is better than silver and gold” (Proverbs 22:1) but we don’t always follow through.

As you know, inflating resumes and including activities or awards to give our “child an edge in admissions” is unethical and undermines the role and goal of parenting. We need to remain consistent with our ethics and integrity.

And we should always be checking what our children are reflecting. Proverbs 20:7 reads that “a righteous man who walks in his integrity—how blessed are his sons after him.”

Unfortunately, the easiest way parents can interfere is through the essay process. Writing essays changes the voice from theirs to yours.

Fortunately, essay readers know when the voice of an essay does not match the voice of the students’ application and high school grades. They know when a parent or professional essay writer has written the essay. And some use software programs to identify plagiarism.

The authors write that parents should be willing to ask themselves “hard, fundamental questions about who [they] want to be and what [they] want to model for [their] children.”

Here are five recommendations from the Making Common Caring Team:
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1. Remember your priorities. Consider at every stage of the process whether getting into a particular college is really more important than compromising your teen’s or your own integrity.

2. Ask for feedback. Talk to someone you really respect and trust to find out if you are too involved in your teen’s college application process. 

3. Work through ethical dilemmas together. Ask your teen if they think cheating or misrepresenting themselves in a college application is okay. How will you respond when the truth comes out and are potential kicked out of college?

4. Set a positive example. Talk to teens about why authenticity and honesty are critical.

5. Find out what motivates your teen. Explore with teens why they might feel pressured to cheat or misrepresent themselves—do they feel ashamed or fear shaming you?—and think through with them what role you might play in reducing that pressure.
 
So parents, are we willing to compromise our integrity for our kids admission into college?

We cannot afford what that would cost.