Ethical Parenting in the College Admissions Process, Part 1

Photo: □□ Janko Ferlič (Unsplash)

Last week I wrote about why character counts because the coronavirus has prompted a change in how applications are being considered.

In a recent Zoom meeting, Temple University shared that they are thinking about how they can extract characteristics like “citizenship, social justice, or tenacity” and admit students that exhibit those traits.

Swarthmore College has been looking for students with “intellectual curiosity, creativity, generosity and problem-solving skills.” For years, they’ve struggled with how to measure those traits in an application.

As we move forward into the new admissions cycle, it may be easier for a college to deny admissions if they see evidence that is contrary to the character they desire in their students. More on that later.

On August 24 it was reported that over 100 admitted freshmen had their admissions rescinded from Northeastern University (Boston) because they posted their intent to gather on campus against NU’s coronavirus guidelines.

Colleges are serious!

Over the next few weeks, I’m sharing a series of seven thoughts from the Making Caring Common report, “Turning the Tide II,” that addresses character in college admissions. This is specifically for parents.

[1] Keep the focus on your teen.

The “college admissions process is a key rite of passage in adolescence and can be a wonderful opportunity for parents to get to know their teen in a deeper way. It’s also an important opportunity for parents to model the empathy in their relationship with their teen that is key to their teen’s relationships.”

We love our teenager(s) and want the best for them. As I am learning as a newly adoptive father of a sixteen-year-old, we want to fight for them. In my experience as a youth pastor and educational consultant, I’ve observed that too often, parents want the best for their teenagers based on what THEY perceive is the best. They adjust the focus on opportunities THEY missed out on when they were a teenager.

“In an effort to give their kids everything, these parents often end up robbing them of what counts.”

Since you are not going to be in the classroom or on the campus, use your past to teach and lead the discussion. Remembering that your children are uniquely made (Psalm 139:13-14), help them discover what problems they want to solve, and which career and college will prepare them for that task.

The focus should be on your teenager.

Preparing your teenager to make long-term decisions a part of the college decision process.

Your involvement is important to them.
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Really, it is.

Sometimes parents, we just need to “pause and listen.”

Here are four recommendations from the Making Caring Common team:
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1. Take time to listen. Ask your teens how involved you want them to be in their college planning process.

2. Check your blind spots. Find out "where your own and your child's views about college" differ and how to work through those conflicts.

3. Be alert to red flags. If you are asking all the questions, your college-bound teenager won't take ownership of this process.

4. Reflect on your assumptions about "good" colleges.

What adjustments do you need to make so your college-bound “baby” takes personal responsibility for their career and college decisions?

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